My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
