I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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