Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
