In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pants 0. Shit 1.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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