There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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