He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
