If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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