i think my tv is drunk
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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