I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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