my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
