Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
