I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
