Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
soo... how was my night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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