4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize