she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
