I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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