i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
