cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
