im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
