watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The power of my boobs compel you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
