she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
