What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
