The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
