Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
