I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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