watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
