We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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