I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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