I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently you make a good broom.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
