My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
