Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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