miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
