so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She bit a glass in half.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
