i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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