i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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