I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it hurts more in the daytime
this boner is exhausting
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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