take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
