The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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