Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
