His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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