we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
