Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
