The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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