I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
