Screwed.edu
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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