He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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