Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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