If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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