Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
