The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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