I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
