His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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