Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
