He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love having hate sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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