I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
