Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
