I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
