Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Actions speak louder than pants.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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