Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
