So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My bed smells like the plague
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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