Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
