We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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