I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
