so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
