Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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