yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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