This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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