I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
