Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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