1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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