Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
